Comfort and Pain

Recently, I bought a self-help book. It was a very rare chance that I bought a book with this kind of genre. Since I graduated from ITB, I never put my attention to this kind of book. I always thought such a book was meant for those inferior people who need motivator’s help to buck up themselves and was written by writers who are solely trying to take advantage of those inferior people.

Then, while I was getting around in a bookstore, I stumbled upon a guide book to be a writer. To be a writer is one of my aspirations since I was kid. Although it is my childhood dreams, I don’t even know what kind of book I want to write ( I am not even giving any single real effort to pursue this dream) However, I found some really catchy words. I can’t stop thinking of these words, and it also changed my perception regarding self-help books.

“If you can’t find a book you want to read, then you should start to write it on your own.”

I came into a conclusion that, maybe, there were something which made those writers wrote those books. They might not solely crave for money. Just like me, I have an aspiration to become a writer. because I like to tell stories, and I simply like to write (despite of my bad writings). Yeah, they must have some reasons to write those books.

However, what happened recently in my life also gave contribution to drive me to look at these books. I found one book which is very interesting. One of the author of these book was formerly atheist, but now he does believe in the existence of “higher forces”. This book is not about religion or belief, this book is giving you tools to make use of these higher forces. But as far as I read it, I find this book gets along with my understanding of my religion (I mean I can see connections between them).

Well, let’s start with this kind of excercise:

Pick something you hate doing. It could be traveling, meeting new people, family gatherings, etc.

How do you organize your life so you can avoid doing it? Imagine that pattern is a place you hide in. That’s your Comfort Zone.

What does it feel like?

Basically, it’s very difficult for me to answer these question. I think I don’t have any problem to meet new friend, to join a new group, etc. Yet I must have some comfort zone, I have to find the pattern.

So I looked back.

What are the things I am constantly trying to avoid ?

Errmm..

Gotcha!

So, it turns out that I hate losing. That’s why I never fight with all I have. I always have an escape plan. I never take things seriously (although I speak like I take them seriously.. well actually now I really take my current seriously)

I never give my best shot. Never. And there were many times I failed. It doesn’t feel good. So I started to define failure as something bad. That’s why I never gave my best effort to deliver my aspirations. That’s why I never achieved much (compared to a lot of aspirations I had). All I did was just hoping for luck (lots of lucks) to help my love effort for achieving something.

Leaving comfort zone is yet to learn.. and sometimes, you have to learn it the hard way.

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