It used to be

the air that I breathe.

There were those times when I thought I would never ever stop writing. To pour all my hearts and thoughts out. To bring abstractions which collide in my head to the realm of words; to form a puzzle that would left me befuddled to understand why it had to be written that way.

How cruel is the universe of possibilities? After all, it is the quantum mechanics which triggered the Einstein to wonder whether God plays with dices.

Just like a dice rolling in our mind. Deciding whom to say hi. Or when should we offer a small kindness. Or that hesitation or inaction to say happy birthday to friends. Or when should we drop a message, the important one which gets delayed for (God knows) whatever reason.

In this digital world where everything is recorded and accessible and the imminent danger of datageddon sounds not too much of a fiction.

Yesterday was the night that I wish I had recorded a conversation with a friend. Because I think the only way to make the world understand my truest take on many things about something or someone

But, an event triggers another event. Corollaries. And before long, it would become a series of events that bring someone from a to z, from b to c.

At the balcony, facing the night and dimmed city lights, how in the world could I recall a poem. About a hesitation and an answer. Sometimes, we found an answer not in the answer. We read not between the lines, but between something I don’t have the words for. It’s something before the words. Something before the action. It’s the signal in the brain which dictates the mind.

(have I ever told you, some neuroscience research suggest that we don’t have the free will? Perhaps, reductionism camp is right. We’re just signals. )

…[but.. speaking of consciousness]..

So we move from one moment to another. To stop the time is not the question. Everything seems contiguous, in reality, but we can’t separate the border, in our mind. We experience it all at once. To accept life and all its (seemingly) randomness, which in the end will lead us into one determined path.

I used to believe that love is the foundation. Love is the answer. And Love is the reason why this universe was created. In the first place.

But, what do I truly know about it? Maybe, it’s just a piece of chauffeur knowledge. A shallow play of words.

I guess our understanding about love across many levels is evolving.